Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
