i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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