He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize