we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
