I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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