She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
