He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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