dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
