Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
