I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
