I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
