Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
