Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
