Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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