mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
