mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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