I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize