There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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