she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
