New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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