I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
