Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
