Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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