I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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