Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
