I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize