I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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