Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
