i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
