That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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