when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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