So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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