I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
