I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
