hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
