Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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