I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
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