her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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