evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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