Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
