i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They are going to name an STD after you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
