I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
