I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
