you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
