Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
