Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
