I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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