Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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