I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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