You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
dude. I can hear the air.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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