Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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