You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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