I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
