you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize