he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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