Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i out mim tonsoeep
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