I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
