Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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