I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
