I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
