Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
