it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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