You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
