Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
