Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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